heaven on earth

my grandmother passed away this past weekend. she was the last of my grandparents. it is so strange to think that my family ends at my parents' generation. my boys & i went to the top of haleakala to spend some time remembering our dear grandma great on maui's personal piece of heaven. the view was spectacular. i can't even begin to do it justice with either my words or pictures (trying to quickly take good pictures of the sun setting over clouds is a bit beyond my capability). trust me, you just have to see it yourself. we went on a cloudy day. watching the sun set over the clouds was unbelievable. i honestly looked like heaven. i felt so close to my dear grandma. 

catching a glimpse of the big island

 so many craters

sun setting over pu'u kukui poking through the clouds 

my crew 

the boys

my mom has been telling me for weeks to call my grandma. in fact, my mom told me to call each of my grandparents prior to their deaths & i chose not to. i dreaded having that awkward conversation. so i repeatedly put it off. and now that it is too late i regret my selfish act of neglect. i am grateful to know that my grandparents now live on in perfect knowledge & understanding. they know how i felt/feel & they understand. it's only i that have a lack of closure. since, i am the type of person that gets closure by expressing my emotions verbally-or through the written word-i've decided to write what i wish i would have said. when something is nagging at me i have to express how i feel. once i've let my emotions out i feel at peace. regardless of the other persons response, or lack of. so this is the conversation i wish i would have had with each of my grandparents, more specifically my dear grandma jones that just passed.

hey grandma! i just wanted to call & tell you how much i love you & miss you.

you truly are a wonderful grandmother. i am so lucky to have had you in my life. i cherrish the time i've had with you & the example you've set for me. your unconditional love has brought so much comfort to me. by watching you i've learned true meaning of selflessness. you have always put the needs of those around you before your own. in fact, i don't think i've ever seen you ask for anything of anyone. you have always been happy knowing that those around you were happy. your thoughtfulness has no bounds. you never forget a birthday or holiday. i have always looked forward to your handwritten cards. and your baked goods know no rival. i hope that one day i can make your secret cake & those hershey kiss cookies half as good as you. 
i am so grateful for your unceasing commitment to family. you have built a strong happy family. we have so many happy memories & i know we will continue building more memories.

grandma, i know you aren't doing well. i probably won't see you again here on earth. and that breaks my heart. i will miss you so much. but i am comforted knowing that you will no longer be in pain. and i know you will have an amazing reunion when you get to heaven. i can only imagine the joy you will feel when you see grandpa & your parents & sisters, again. i wish i could be there with you & hold your hand. but i know that one day we will have the opportunity to do that again. until then, just know that i love you.