Thursday, May 2, 2013

on dating

sometimes i write blog posts specifically to my sons for future reference. they are thoughts i have now that i don't want to forget to share with them later (ok, to be totally honest, since my near-death-accident i'm a little paranoid that i won't always be there for them. and i want to have these words written down in case i'm not here to tell them later.) so feel free to skip this post.

dating is a tricky thing. and doing it right is difficult. but it is honestly, the most important thing you will ever do. because how you date will dictate who you date. and who you date will become your wife. and who your wife is will determine your future family and so forth and so on. so date wisely. here are a few expectations i have for you when it comes to dating:
1. always ask a girl on a date. straight forward & direct. and always ask in person. if that just isn't possible than ask over the phone. never, i mean never, ask a girl on a date through a text, instant message, or email.

2. always take a girl out on a date. none of this "let's hang out at my place & watch a movie" nonsense. i expect you to pick her up & take her somewhere. it doesn't have to be fancy or ellaborate or immenseley creative. sometimes the best dates are simple, like a picnic in the park. you should always make sure you take her somewhere that she will feel comfortable at & enjoy.

3. open the car door for your date. open all doors for your date.

4. pay for your date. no questions asked. your father & i will make sure that you always have money for your dates. do not ever split the bill.

5. walk to the door to pick your date up. never text from the car, or worst yet, honk! and always walk your date to the door at the end of the night.

6. use your good senses when it comes to kissing. don't kiss every girl but don't be afraid to kiss the right girl.

7. listen to your date. the best dates involve getting to know the other person so take your date somewhere that will allow you to talk. ask her questions & share insight about yourself. the purpose of dating is to find someone you could spend your future with. so the longer you date a person the more you should get to know her.

8. always make your intentions clear. if you aren't feeling a girl than end it. don't string her along. it may hurt her for a minute but she will appreciate your honesty. and if you are feeling a connection than let her know. a girl loves clarity. it will make the whole dating process easier if you follow this one simple rule.

9. date around. but only seriously date one girl at a time. once you've found a girl you are interested in going exclusive with than be faithful. always, always be faithful. if you decide things aren't working out or you meet someone else you'd like to get to know refer back to rule #8.

10. be physical. the right way. hold hands, put your arm around her shoulders or eventually her waist, kiss her head, put your hand on her knee, these sweet gestures speak volumes & make a woman feel cared for. going too far physically only confuses the relationship & it can never be undone.

11. handle her heart with care. women are strong, much stronger than men. but they are also delicate. don't ruin that. do not be responsible for hardening a woman's heart.

12. get to know her family & friends. and let your family & friends get to know her. especially me.

13. when the time comes, tell her you love her, a lot. in fact, tell her all sorts of nice things. everyone deserves to be complimented.

14. serve her. not like a waiter more like perform acts of service for her. make her breakfast, take out her trash, offer her your jacket when she's cold, you get the point.

15. surprise her. again, a little can go a long way. just stick with small surprises. bring her a case of her favorite soda, pick her flowers, or show up at her work for a surprise lunch date.

16. never underestimate the power of the written word. as nice as it is to hear good things it's even better to have them written down so you can refrence back to them. you should write letters or notes to your love often.

17. when the time is right & you've found that special someone get down on one knee & ask her those 4 special words.

**my boys & i have started dating. once they hit 5 i take them on regular dates. we have fun but the whole purpose is to teach them how to date.


  1. This is just so cute, I had to make a comment!!! You are to cute Sara!

  2. I just teared up a little... so so sweet. thanks for sharing.

  3. this is wonderful, I have two boys and I will be saving your letter for them :D

  4. This is so great! I have 4 little boys--these are all things I hope to pass on too. Love that you took the time to document it.

  5. love it. I was referred to this blog by a friend.

  6. Dear Sara: I found you through How Does She. What an amazing text you have here! I love it!!! I, too, have a son. He just turned 9. He is an orphan since he just have turned 5... Sometimes I think he´s too much a "mommy´s boy" because he is sweeter + lovelier than the other boys around him. He opens the doors (all of them - for his sister and me), send notes, offers flowers, and things like that. Of course all of his women teachers loooooove him. Of course. And his grandmas, his sister and me. But I was a little worried... whatsoever...

    Not anymore!

    Thank you for your brilliant text!!!

    Kisses and blessings. Mirys (from Brazil)

  7. Hi Sara,
    I found your blog through a pin my friend saved on Pinterest of this letter. This is so special and beautiful. I'd like write a similar letter to my son and start taking him on dates this fall when he'll be 5. Thank you for the idea. You are a great mom.

  8. Hi Sara,
    Would you mind if I linked back to this post from my blog? Love it, would love to share with my family and friends. Please let me know!


  9. My son and I often went to the coffee shop on dates with a board game. Since trying to eat better that hasn't happened. I would love to hear about some of your dates.

  10. Hi Sara - I really love your letter and how it outlines respecting women and showing them how much you care. There are so many men that do not share their feelings very well.

    I have a son that will be 5 in March and he is very much a Mommy's boy and has always had my full attention. In February, he will become a big brother. I really want to start taking him on dates so he knows that he always has my attention and that he is not being put on the back burner, just something that him and I share.

    He is so effectionate and loving. He is always concerned so much about people and how they are feeling. i have really been trying to make him understand he needs to be respectful to women and not treat them like an object. I knew too many "boys" before i met my husband that were that way and i will continue to try my hardest for him to never ever act like that, matter fact my husband was one of them, but then we started seriously dating, then it was night and day he completely changed and never treated me like that.

    I would love to hear about some of the dates that you take your son/s on just for some ideas. I think that starting this tradition with him will really help him with any uneasy feelings about not being an only child anymore. Also that no matter what he will always have my attention and love.

  11. Sara,
    I just read your blog on dating and have to admit I had to stop a few times to read through my tears. I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant with our first and out of all the advice I have received through the months this letter touched me more than anything (maybe its the hormones?). I just want to thank you for sharing this. I can't wait to share something similar with my little guy one day!